Drivel

I've Moved

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 05:04:00 +0000

http://drivelmethis.wordpress.com

yes... more of me there. soon.

Tag....

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Sat, 07 Apr 2007 02:25:00 +0000

I've been tagged. Yes Fai, I could've pretended not to see my name. But I chose not to. But that can wait....

So yesterday, me and Fai went to the Expo John Little sale. Wahhh... so many things but not much variety. Our main aim was to buy undergarments but in the end, I picked up a few things along the way.... as always. Chocolates included yes. 3 large bars at that. Heh. In my defence, they are for the family.

Anyway, we stopped by Tampines mall looking for North Indian food because knowing Fai she has to eat what her tastebuds feel like eating. Me? Well, I'm a see-food person. I see food, I eat. So yeah, we came across this hotdog place and I had the coney dog and its tastes exactly like the one A&W used to have. How I miss A&W....

Fai couldn't wait and before I could even take a picture, she had already bit into her New York hot dog. Yummy.

My delicious coney dog.... whee....

Yes back to the tag....
Here goes:

6 weird things about me:

1. Whether the weather is warm or cold, I sleep with my feet covered

2. I have a highly distractible mind, like that of a child (apparently I've been told).

3. If I wake up in the middle of the night, I can't go back to sleep. Plus it doesn't help that I'm a very very light sleeper. I can't have people snoring or walking into my room or talking when I'm sleeping. Which explains why my phone is on silent at night.

4. I don't have a favourite anything. I may like french fries today and hate it tomorrow.

5. When I read newspapers, I hardly read the news. I notice advertisements instead.

6. I'm a food person though on some days, I just don't feel like eating at all.... oooh my docter better not see this...

Is that 6 already? Cool. I can't seem to think of anything else, guess I'm not so weird at all huh? I'm just your ordinary, friendly, neighbourhood girl.

Let's change this game a little. I'm not gonna tag anyone. So all you creator of chain letters, looks like you can't rely on me. I'm no good at this. And since I'm already at it (breaking the rules) let me just add another weird thing about me that I just remembered.

7. Ermm.... hmmm... I just forgot what it was!!!!!! Maybe this is it. My brain has a mind of its own. I just went into the kitchen to get a piece of chicken nugget and I can't believe I completely forgot. Gosh, this is terrible.

Ahhh. whatever lah.

Free....

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Fri, 06 Apr 2007 01:15:00 +0000

Over the lies, you'll be strong
You'll be rich in love and you will carry on
But no - Oh no
No you won't be mine

Take your straight line for a curve
Make it stretch, the same old line
Try to find if it was worth what you spent
Why you're guilty for the way
You're feeling now
It's almost like being free
And I know soon you will be

- You Won't Be Mine Lyrics, Matchbox 20

Forgiveness somehow sets you free for you no longer feel tied to the chains of disappointment, anger, hate, pain and regret.

Liberation, release..... I've somehow unshackled myself from this binds that tie me down.

Hate somehow pulls you down. Everytime. To all who hate me OR who have wronged me. I forgive you. Not because I hate you back but because I am indifferent to how you feel. In short, I do not care how you feel because you don't matter to me.

Afterall, the opposite of love is not hate. Hate is still a feeling. The opposite of love is in fact indifference. From you, I am distant.

Emancipated, I feel at peace.....

Thank you god. Syukur alhamdullillah

Follow Through

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 09:36:00 +0000

Oh, this is the start of something good
Don't you agree?
I, haven't felt like this in so many moons
You know what I mean
And we can build through this destruction
As we are standing on our feet

So, since you wanna be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
you to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through

- Follow Through, Gavin Degraw

Ok, so instead of the K880i, I settled for the Sony Cybershot K800i. I love the silvery white case. Very sleek and its just me. I mean I love the slim K880i but its too extravagant considering how I need money for school and yes, the engagement (insya-allah).

So yes, he ditched me to go KL. So I'm alone over the weekend. It doesn't help that Friday is a public holiday. What am I gonna do???!!!

Mister, you better have presents for me and my ankle socks. Thank you very much.

So yes, I might pop by vivocity after work today, get the book Fai kindly reserved for me and chill at pacific coffee over a cuppa and read a bit... Yes alone. Well if I can sit ALONE at delifrance and eat and watch the world go by, I'm very sure I'll survive coffee by myself.

Oh and maybe, just maybe, I might join Yanni at her new house nearby.

Anyway, I did this romantic pattern analysis Its so weird how some is sooooo true. Try it.

Lin, your romantic pattern is Love vs. Honor!

Love vs. Honor is the most dramatic pattern of all — defined by an innate tug of war between what you want to do and what you think you should do.

But, here's the recurring pattern you may see in your relationships: There is something coming between you and love. (how apt)

Romance is not your number one priority, though in the back of your mind you are holding out for a soul mate. In your pattern, you find your soul mate, only to discover you can't be together unless you give up something precious, or jeopardize other relationships or ideals that are important to you. The decision itself is at the heart of your pattern. How do you choose? If this is your one chance at true love, can anything be worth giving it up? Can you enjoy love knowing you've betrayed something dear to you to achieve it? Or will the love be stronger for your sacrifice. This pattern is about confronting your values and life choices. It's about reevaluating what's important to you and choosing to remain on the same path or move in a new direction.

In the movie version of "The End of the Affair," Julianne Moore plays a woman who makes a pact with God to stop cheating on her husband if her lover survives a terrible injury. When he lives, she's forced to keep her promise, breaking both their hearts in the process. All relationships, at some point or another, require sacrifices. These painful decisions are familiar to everyone. No wonder it's so easy to relate to this romantic pattern's historical, literary, and cinematic counterparts. You're living it!! (You're damn right I am)

Explains why I'm a little dramatic sometimes. My life is a movie in a movie...Complicated yup.

Thank you...

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 04:28:00 +0000

[Listening to: Famous Last Words - My Chemical Romance]

Feeling: Groggy...

Now I know,
That I can't make you stay.
But where's your heart?
But where's your heart?
But where's your,

And I know.
There's nothing I can say.
To change that part.
To change that part.
To change.

So many, Bright lights they cast a shadow,
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding,
I'm incomplete?
A life that's so demanding,
I get so weak.

A love that's so demanding,
I can't speak.
I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay you'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

- Famous Last Words Lyrics, My Chemical Romance

I love the lyrics... Its DEEP...

So Zamir decided to show. And he helped Yani carry her TV. Rubin drove the van and I sat at the back with Herman, Jeremy and Zamir. I love the wind in my hair. It's been way too long...

He was tired from his trip back from Muar and KL and work and still he came just so I didn't have to carry the TV. Mister, thank you. I owe you ok. Kway Teow goreng + chicken wing SATU!!! Coming rrright up!

Nothing and I mean nothing can keep him from soccer. He tells me I can but hey, I don't want sugar coated words. Show me. Hah.

I wanna buy a book. Pronto.

4 freakin kilometres...

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 04:00:00 +0000

[Listening to: Last Night - P diddy feat Keisha Cole]

Last night,

I couldn't even get an answer.

Tried to call,

But my pride wouldn't let me dial.

And I'm sitting here,

With this blank expression.

And the way I feel,

I wanna curl up like a child.

- Last Night lyrics, P diddy

I love this song for now....

I walked 4km today. I woke up at 6am and followed mum to this community centre event - brisk walking. We walked from Kallang Stadium to Suntec City. Me and Ben went with Mama and well, not bad. I could use fresh air at like 630am in the morning!

Ooohh... My hair is very black now.... hahah. previously when I dyed it dark brown, the colour came off and it became light brown. Now, its deep brown close to black. I like it. Thing is, with black hair, I look sorta pale.

I truly enjoyed spending time talking with Fai. We were at vivo to watch Pathfinder. So we found this book of birthdates and coincidentally, SOME and I emphasize, some are true. Some are just bullshit. One thing is true though. My home isn't really my home. It's a place I use to store things. Haha. I'm not a homely person. I can't even sit still for 2 minutes. Besides, I don't get emotionally attached to things or places. People maybe. But material things.... nah. Seriously now, if I had to move today, I would. I'd pack and go. I don't look back.

It's the same with this question, "If you were on a deserted island, what would you bring?" Besides unlimited food and a magical fridge that produces food every 2 seconds, I can't think of anything else. I do want to bring people but things, hmmm... well, a nice warm bed perhaps?

So yes I learnt that medicine + mocha is soooo wrong. My body couldn't decide whether it was sleepy / drowsy OR hyper. Eh? But Fai was not on drugs what, I was. What happened to her? We laughed till we cried our eyes out.... I still blame you for the stomach ache I had from laughing too much. Heh.

My lovely.

Anyways, I was PMS-ing and didn't feel like eating. It's like you're hungry but you're not. Believe me, its possible.

I wanted to eat something I've not eaten before.... So Zamir decided we go to Cafe Le Caire at Arab Street to eat. I had the chicken wrap and Zamir had the Bukhari Chicken. Not bad. The chicken wrap was JUICY. Thanks for lunch mister.

My chicken wrap

His chicken which was super HUGE....

He attacked my potato wedges!!!! Well, actually if he didn't I wouldn't have finished my food cos I was already thinking of ice cream. Heh... and I haven't even started eating. Check out the bottles of mineral water next to him.... Ok lar... I admit it, its me.

So yeah... I can see that he's trying. He's trying to be more spontaneous, more open to trying new things.... He knows I lurrrve new places, new things, new stuff. Thank you.... So he's asking me about OneRochester Are you gonna bring me there mister? Cos I've never been there.

There were mirrors on the ceiling, we couldn't help it.

Ok, I gotta go help Yani carry her tv. Whee! Mister, don't say that my will to carry is stronger than my actual ability to carry. I can't believe you actually called her to tell her that.... I won't drop her TV you know. I won't allow myself mistakes when handling people's things.... I'm strong like that. And no, the TV won't fall on me, thank you very much for your concern. I'm fine lah, now stop it.

And because of what you said, Fai said that my will to eat is stronger than my ability to eat which sorta equates to being gelojoh (greedy). Great..... thanks to you Mister Mean Boy, I have to live with this. And you mister, you have to live with my pinching you. Hah.

A red and pink entry...

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 10:37:00 +0000

If Only you knew how hard I work....

Why isn't it enough?

Get out of my face and stop breathing down my neck please. For once FUCK OFF. Yes, just fuck off. If you can't do me that favour then do it for yourself. I don't need you to validate my decisions / move.

I'm just angry and all I want to say is: "I hope you BURN in HELL bitch."

If its anything I wish for NOW, I wish you HELL, AGONY, TORTURE, AND A TORMENTED LIFE

There, I've gotten it off my chest.

Mister, I need a shoulder to cry on.

Musings of A Distracted Mind....

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 04:03:00 +0000

[Listening to: Beautiful Lie - 30 seconds to Mars]

so there i was at work busying myself with the report I was suppose to churn out when poof! the server decided to die on me... aaaagh. gggreat. so what did i do? i waited for mr. kidnapper to abduct me from this mental asylum. haha. and in the meantime I took some pictures. yes yes. im allowed to because im a cam whore and I'm officially crazy.

In my defence, let me first say that I was bored. At least I'm not like some people who pick their noses when they've got nothin to do

I was so happy when my phone rang... because i knew it was him and he's done with work! So off I went to buy tics for TNMT and we got great seats even though it was the weekend. Had lunch at Lucky Plaza's ayam penyet place since Zamir's never eaten there before. He said it was nice and similar to the 'wasabi' incident I convinced him to try the 'sambal' and bearing in mind the drinks had not arrived yet, you should see the look on his face. I was laughing like mad. yes I'm mean. anyway, lunch was very filling and i felt like i ate too much.

anyway, TNMT's story line was weak and the animation could've been better but I loved it anyway. The suckiest thing was that the theatre was sooo cold my feet were freezing and it almost felt numb. I had to put my legs on his lap while he covered them with his jacket and rubbed them just to make sure I was warm and comfortable. Sweet.

oooh and i found out something. don't talk to me while we're walking because i'll get easily distracted and won't pay attention. Apparently I have 'attention deficiency syndrome' also known as someone with a distractible mind. I've been told that I have an attention span of a minute or less. Whatever lah. So if you're talking to me whilst we're walking and I see something that catches my attention, then stop talking because i ain't listening. What distracts me? Oh anything really. It could be a sticker on the floor because i'll be wondering how it got there OR it could be a HUGE sale sign or even my toes, yes sometimes i find it funny when my toes wiggle. OR..... like the time I discovered that my last finger on both hands were of an unequal size. Apparently one is two times smaller than the other. How did that happen?

Ok ok I'm drifting again. Bring me back. That's all. Now you know why my entries are all like this.

Yes mister, I can still hear you say, "Tell me something new"..... *covers my ears you know what they say, if you can't beat them, then don't.

Mr. Silly boy and me...

Ayam penyet!!!

Mister, lets go karaoke-ing with Yani again. Please.... If you don't then sing me to sleep ok.

Be my getaway....

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Sun, 25 Mar 2007 04:29:00 +0000

[Listening to: Back to You - John Mayer]

I remember when we met,
It took your whole life, your breath away
I remember when we kissed, as you drift into the sun,
So take the ride, now you take the fall and,
You weigh so shallow,
Wait for me, before you take it all away.
Far away, It's not like I wanted to,
Far away, It's not like I could breathe anymore,
Far away, It's not like, I wanted you,
But you're not for me, not for me anymore.

- Drift Lyrics, Forty Foot Echo lyrics

With hardly any makeup. It's Sunday and I'm at work thats why.

I'm at work and its Sunday. ugh. how sucky is that? The only good thing was the cab ride to work. Just when I thought I'd be able to listen to my ipod, the uncle in the cab starting chatting me up. So there I was cursing and swearing under my breathe because I've never ever gotten a cab driver who would just let me close my eyes and leave me alone. Even when I'm on the phone with Zamir sometimes they still insist on talking to me. Do I look friendly to you?

Anyway, I was glad that this uncle talked to me cos he told me of places not many have heard of? He said that I should go to Bangka Island in Indonesia. He said I only need bring S$100 Singapore dollars for 3 days and 2 nights and I'll eat like a king. And how they have a gorgeous scenery with waterfalls everywhere and hot springs somewhat like being in a spa. So there I was in the backseat lapping up every word he said. I was in awe. He taught me the best way to get there. With all that chatter, I was already imagining myself there. The whole cab ride was like a trip to somewhere itself.

Oh! And he told me of the best place to snorkel in Singapore. He swears that the water is like that in Tioman. What?!! I never knew such a place existed in Singapore... It's apparently called Golden Island. I tried googling it up but hmmm.. no luck. He said a boat from Changi Village would take me there. He told me that the island is deserted but alot of backpackers would be there. It all sounds so interesting. Mister, shall we go? Puh lease. Yesh yesh.... I know mosquitoes and insects and all but there's always insect repellent. Don't worry about me. My curiousity will surpass anything. Yes, anything. I'm one crazy curious cat.

Oooh and Zamir bought me a talking dog. A toy lah. It talks and it can say "I love you". Thanks noti.

Ok so all this talk makes me want to go holiday-ing... Any takers? Ok but it'll probably be in June cos I still have a few things planned in April. The hotel at Palm Resort will be on the 13th of April... apparenly its 2 people to a suite. And they have a bathtub. Whee.....

Surprisingly HE loves my 10 minute sambal sardin sandwiches. I made them in a hurry but he gobbled them up. Maybe he was hungry. Well, mister, then you'll love my 30 minute sandwiches. Hahah. My pleasure love.

Next Sunday is potluck day at Yanni's house. I can't wait. I'm making my famous sambal chicken. Hahah right. Ok I'm hungry now.

Happy Sunday all.

Bull....

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 08:12:00 +0000

You're so fake. I see past all that.

it's not that hard at all.

On another note, so yanni's been getting quite a bit of comments on her blog on the 'topic' huh? Hahaha. I've been checking it up often just to see what people have to say. In the end, I've just got this to say. If you can't handle confrontation, don't initiate it.

Check out this cupcakes I bought. They are so delicious. I was thinking of sending some over to the girls but there were only a few left. Cupcake Momma's cupcakes rocks. ok thats a handful to say out. Grabberz, you have to try this. And Yanni, Im sure this will cure your PMSes. Hehehe. I'll send a few once I order more batches.

I bought 2 boxes for my boyfriend and the family - a total of 8 mini cupcakes and I ate 2. How greedy am i?

They look much larger in pictures.

Mister, I know now. So let's do it.

Mister, you were there when I was really really sick. When I had gastric and was all grey. You carried my bag when i came home from work and brought me food when I was hungry. Thank you for the Mrs. Fields cookies. I ate em for breakfast. all of em. well almost. except for two cos I gave them to Yanni.

So I've yet to plan a date for my dad and zamir to talk. So guys watch this spot cos I might be able to give you a date. Hahah. no so fast lah. I think its time. I've decided and I've made up my mind. Let's just say, god opened up my eyes....

I can sooo smell the weekend. And we're watching Teenage Mutant Ninja turtles... whee.. i can't wait.

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 12:25:00 +0000

It's 830pm and I'm still in the office.... Such is work

And I can still take pictures... hahah cam whore.

Indulge is the word of the day

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Thu, 22 Mar 2007 03:44:00 +0000

[Listening to: Goodbye Tonight - Lost Prophets]

and so the label said take 2 for the pain.

Heck, give me 8. I've got this report to churn out and its no easy feat. Ugh. I've got sales to do and closing clients. this isn't helping.

I feel like a matyr to work overload. We really need to hire soon. By end of March!!!!

Oh and check out Yanni's entry ......well said. Hehe.

Anyway celebrated Fai's bday with Nurul, Dee and Fai.. aka the Grabberz... Fantastic bunch. Nurul made reservations at the Silver Shell cafe @ Shangri-la Rasa Sentosa and the people there were fabulous. On top of the HUGE variety of food, the staff were always smiling, made small talk, and were extremely friendly. I cannot BELIEVE how much I ate.

I had sushi, oysters, barbequed stingray, tandoori fish (also known as kuih bakar), smoked chicken and a whole lot more. i had 3 different types of cake for desert and this is not inclusive of the bday cake which is soooo sinful. i also had bread and butter pudding which i was craving for yonks.

Nurul was sooo sweet, she had people singing for Fai and even surprised her with a delicious CAKE... Fai couldn't have asked for more...

thank you girls for this. Nurul especially. she treated all of us and im still shameless asking her for staff room rates. hehe. Fai happy bday (I hope we've indulged you enough) and Dee, I hope you like the bear, it isn't much.

for the first time in my life yesterday, i felt as if i'd eaten a whole months worth of rich foods. ooooh. at the end of the day, we girls were drunk with laughter.....i almost threw up in the bus.
Can you believe that I'm still groggy from too much food. food hangover.

On another note....I can't wait to go Palm Resort in JB.... Yani did this barter with them and we have a deluxe suite + breakfast buffet, food massage... and FREE for 3 days and 2 nights.... wah I'm soooo excited. The deluxe suite would've cost us S$400 per night but because it s a barter we don't have to pay and Yani's invited me.... whee!!!! Thanks babe.

Anyway, check out the pics we took yesterday. I love the girls.........

Me and my lovelies

Yes, I'm stoned... fact is I ate too much.

My gorgeous dessert.

Me and Miss Beauty Queen.

Me and the petite Miss Dee

And lastly... tadah!!!!! The birthday girl.... Happy Bday love

A Can of Worms

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 02:41:00 +0000

Mira sent me something yesterday morning and I had a read....

http://www.ridzwan.com/2006/11/malay-marriage-mess.html

This evoked alot of thought and opinions. Well if you haven't read it yet, go and have a read.

well i agree to some things he has to say because if it means that Malay men have to buck up or pull up their socks, good.... but.... personally, some of which he said sounds rather chauvinistic to me.

Come to think of this, it all boils down to responsibility. The comment shouldn't be on Malay Women's Standards / Low expectations. Its gender discrimination.

Some people, are just not responsible. its never abt standards cos standards are never the same between people. If the woman and the man are not responsible in making a marriage work, it will not work. I mean at times, a marriage to a rich man may not work out, not because we women do not have standards, but its because he isn't responsible. Same goes for women. It all boils down to the individual and their characteristics. Different situations call for different actions and have different outcomes. We cannot place them all in one general classification.

Now tell me, define standards. Different people have different definitions on what the standard is or should be and I can't go out trying to change the minds of the majority. So let me just stick to mine, and you can stick to yours. There's no need to compromise on that.

Besides, Gender, Race, Religion are touchy topics. If you really have to talk about them, you'd have to be extremely sensitive and tactful. If you can't be sensitive about it, then just don't start.

We don't want to open a can of worms.

People are disturbed not by things but by the view they take of them. They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel."

- Carl W. Buechner

Random Affections....

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 04:40:00 +0000

A cynic's verse...

True love is suicide...
like sipping cyanide
a pain and slow death creeps
and alone in bed you weep

- Written by Lin in 5 minutes. I was just inspired lah.

Chances were never meant to be given, only earned. Sounds familiar huh? So don't expect the forgiving to forgive just as you won't expect the sun to shine in rain.

The problem won't go away when you try and ignore it. It stays somewhere embedded in your head. It only takes a flicker of remembrance or a moment of reminiscence to evoke these thoughts. Just when you thought it was all over. Apparently the sub conscious works even when you're conscious. Now how is that....

Oooooh and I can't wait for my 3rd exotic dance class tomorrow.... Someone's bringing Sexy back... *laughs & giggles.... Well if its anyone is bringing sexy back, it ain't me....

Wipe that smirk of your face already.

And SOMEONE's turning 21. So you think you're old enough to watch RA movies huh? But can you handle it? Hahaha. Ok I was kidding. Bite me.

And Su, cut the 'he said she said bull shit.'

Make Us Disappear.....

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Sun, 18 Mar 2007 14:08:00 +0000

[Listening to: Sweet Escape - Gwen Stefani]

Let us not play this game
The last time we did
This heart you maimed

So we went to West Coast Park to catch the sunset. The place was packed with people and the playground was filled with kids but it was fun. I should bring Haqmal there one day - he would love it.... We didn't stay long there cos it was getting dark and the lights were dim so we left at around 730pm to eat at West Coast hawker centre. They have fantastic food there. I love their roti john and rojak.

Anyway, I love my new Compaq laptop. Hehe. So here I am watching tv while surfing the net, thank god for wireless excess. No more fighting for the computer and using the internet cos everyone has their own laptop / pc.

On another note....

Friends....

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 03:05:00 +0000

[Listening to: Every Word - Sade]

Feeling: Angry

A friend is going through hell and it sucks cos I can't do anything. I wished things were easier for her... I pray god will lighten her load. Time will tell. I wished that people who keeps hurting her will stop their pretentious and horrible ways.

This is one of the reasons why like her, I have trust issues. I don't have many friends not because I can't but because I don't want to. When I have friends, I treasure them and I back them every step of the way, and they can count on me to tell them the truth even if it hurts.

I don't have many friends because I can't attend to them all. I already have a handful of gems and I'm not greedy for more. Me Anti-social? Well whatever. Everyone stands alone. We need people to lean on but ultimately, we're all alone. Try judgement day.

On another note, I was at the MAC event yesterday. Not bad, the models were gorgeous.

Me at the Barbie Loves Mac event... Sorry Fai no extra goodie bag

My guardian angel or police? u decide... haha inside joke lar...

The models... well don't ask.

Of Huge Bananas...

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 03:48:00 +0000

[Listening to: No Need To Argue - The Cranberries]

Feeling: Sleepy

We waited 30 bloody minutes for our Banana fritters @ Thai Xpress. They said it was Burnt the first time and are redoing it. Burnt my ass. We were hungry....

"My Mum fries bananas and it doesn't take this looong" Fai gripes.

Haha.

We ate, talked, shopped and I bought this gorgeous silk green top @ Zara. I contemplated getting the dress but decided to forgo it.

If its anything I realised with my conversations with Fai is that we people play the 'blame' game much too often. When someone ditches you, its a common perception that they're bad. In some cases, well, its true but in some exceptional ones, its NOT. When two people who get together with totally opposite characters, personalities and opinions, there's bound to be conflict.

We sometimes find alot of excuses to leave, we don't find a reason to stay. Yani got it out of book.

I beg to differ though. In circumstances when you're betrayed, cheated on it no longer becomes an excuse - it becomes a reason to leave because there is no reason to stay.

Don't look back for that is where all the pain lies.

Why am I pouting? Cos Im vain.. thats why

Mister I want this... for you know what...

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 06:58:00 +0000

Why do I feel like a yoyo?

I'm kinda numb
It's so distorted
You left me here with this damage that you've caused
My tortured faces
Those fucked up places
In my memories none of them I've lost, but...

I haven't been here long enough to know
Everytime I feel this I just lose control
Such a cancer on the face of everything that's beautiful
I wish that this would just go, go.

It's kinda sick
I feel so dirty
I'm kinda tragic kinda insecure
But I know that I'm the only one
that can fix whatever's wrong I'm sure, but...

I wish that this would just go
I feel so alone
From all I've become
I'll take you down
I'll feel so down
I'm water while you drown
You're lifted while I'm down
I'm cancer in your womb
I'm the needle in your spoon, but...

- Just Go Lyrics, Staind

You, you're my calm after the storm....

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 01:51:00 +0000

[Listening to: You Had Me - Joss Stone]

Feeling: Uptight...

Something is bloody wrong with my blog. I've been posting entries but they don't appear. what the hell.

In life, sometimes we make decisions based on feelings, emotions, gut feel or even after much thinking....

Sometimes, just sometimes, we make decisions based on the fact that we have no choice.

It's like you're running from a lion and you realise that you've gotten yourself on the edge of a cliff. You either jump OR stay.

I chose to jump.

Maybe the idea of being eaten alive, kinda scares the hell out of me. So yeah, I'd rather die body splattered on the floor than have my bones being chewed on by a hungry lion. Ugh.

I tried uploading a collection of pictures of me and Fai which i edited but i couldn't. something is wrong with my server. darn.

on the brightside.... wee. am having dinner with Fai tonight. Shall we have banana fritters and coconut ice cream at thai express OR satay & fish soup at lau pa sat? hmmm.

Ooooh! And I have a M.A.C event to attend tomorrow. I hope they give great door gifts.

Some have asked why my blog is no more private? well I've got nothing to hide. Things have picked up and I'm happy. It's like being on drugs... or sugar high. So, my drug, as long as you keep me sedated, I'm yours to keep.

On another note. Dear god, forgive me for my sins..... and forgive those around me for theirs.

The Past is But A Cemetery Drive

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 05:21:00 +0000

[Listening to: Say It Right - Nelly Furtado]

Feeling: Slightly numb...

Had lunch with Mira and Linda today. weee.... nice. It's been a while since we had lunch together and today is the first in a very very very long time..... i miss the girls.

why wallow in the past when its long gone. why weep for the dead and mourn for all thats lost. because we're human thats why. the heart heals not in seconds...

Wah a client just sent me a link to her website and the heading said, "Eventually it will heal"... Talk about coincidence.

Fai and me @ Bottle Tree

Had a great weekend. Last minute, he took leave just so he could spend the weekend with me.... sweet. Went to JB to get my Sims game and DVDs.... and of course tiramisu... but the tiramisu at Season's sold out. So sad. Had lunch at "sedap corner" hahaha. he said that its such an original name. Mister, you're mean. Why don't you come up with one yourself? Beat that.

I had spagetti ala thai... i think its nice and the portugese egg tart rocks!

I bought the Sims 2 along with the other expansion packs. While Zamir kept asking the vendor questions about installing the game, I couldn't care less and dived straight in and said, I'll take it. Such is the disparity in our personalities. I'm eager and blinded by excitement while he approaches everything with caution. Slow and steady is the word. Me? I'm always in a scurry and clumsy.

So for the life of me. Shut up.

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
Do you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

I can't say that I'm not lost and at fault
I can't say that I don't love the light and the dark
I can't say that I don't know that I am alive
And all of what I feel I could show
You tonite

- Say it Right - Nelly Furtado

And you, move on.

It's not easy... So buy me A New Life.....

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Sat, 10 Mar 2007 12:17:00 +0000

[Listening to: Give it To Me - Nelly Furtado feat. Timberland]

Feeling: Slightly edgy.....

Went to Masala art (www.masalaart.com.sg) yesterday to celebrate my sister's great results and the fact that she could get into a university of any choice. So I made reservations there at 8pm. Actually Herman helped me make reservations cos it is his cousin's restaurant. Haha so I got a discount....

Place is Beautiful. I love fine dining and the buffet had a huge spread. I love the variety. And I ate to my heart's content. So full.

Papa, Me and Haqmal...

Mama and me

Ben and Widad

So yeah. I'm happy. I am. I just don't know it yet..... Don't ask.

Mum's been terrific. She makes me breakfast and packs them for me every morning.... and pastes post-its on them that says, 'I love you', 'You can do all u want if you put your heart and soul into it', 'Its Monday but happy working'....

I love you Ma....

I've Tried....

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 04:05:00 +0000

[Listening to: I Try / Sick cycle Carousel - Lifehouse]

Feeling: Sleepy

Would you believe me if I said I'm tired of this
Well here we go now one more time
'cause i tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I can get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to tame this mind
You better believe that I tried to beat this

So when will this endIt goes on and on
Over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won't stop
Till I step down from this for good

I never thought I'd end up here
Never thought I'd be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this
I guess i was wrong

- Sick Cycle Carousel Lyrics - Lifehouse

Of the sleepless nights... shh. dun tell.

Is equality too much to ask for?

Is this so much a patriarchal society that everything seems to be in their favour?

I'm not asking to be seen. I'm only asking to be heard. Merely asking for a voice to be heard and acknowledged, my voice

I need to feel that my opinions matter as much. I need to know I matter. Thats is how I know I'm loved.

rules of the patriach

yeah, till death do us apart

My Anchor...

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 02:17:00 +0000

[Listening to: Blind - Lifehouse]

Feeling: Bloated.... bleagh

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

- Blind Lyrics, Lifehouse

I found this in my photo album... Hahah way back in 2004... I didn't even know who Hritik Roshan was back then. Imagine that! Being a cam whore, when the girls asked me to pose for a picture with them, I did. So thats his wife, she's sweet and I can't believe I had my eyes closed.... DARN! This was when I was part-timing at GUESS Paragon!

i like this phrase, "You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person."

Reminds me of someone. *smiles at Fai.

Farah's been extra quiet.... i hope she's not dead.

I can't wait for the tenants to move out of my condo. Cos I wanna stay there for a couple of days. Er, move out please.

I just bought a DKNY watch. Bloody expensive BUT let me justify my spending by first saying that I need a watch... and its something simple. Besides, I'm not a watch person but I realised that I need to wear one cos i keep asking ppl the time and its irritating. check this out! I so like this. I think it comes in black and silver too but I kinda like the one in bronze.

My exotic dance / lap dance classes start today. So exciting. It's been so long since I exercised. wah, I'm sure to sweat.

so yeah. congrats to my sister who got 2 As for her A levels. She can go to any university she wants. Good for her! We're suppose to have dinner tonight but with my classes, well I don't know lah!

I feel like baking brownies. I know, I know, I'm being very random.

Mister, when are we going for lunch at Scarlet?

You, You're my anchor... you keep me sane, even if its for that short moment in time ....

The Littlest Things....

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Sun, 04 Mar 2007 05:20:00 +0000

[Singing to: Littlest things - Lily Allen]

Feeling: Ok....

Dreams, dreams of when we had just started things

Dreams of you and me

It seems, it seems

That I can’t shake those memories

I wonder if you have the same dreams too

The littlest things that take me there

I know it sounds lame but it’s so true

I know it’s not right but it seems unfair

That thing’s are reminding me of you

Sometimes I wish we could just pretend

Even if only for one weekend

So come on Tell me

Is this the end?

- Littlest Things Lyrics, Lily Allen

I was quoted.... http://sinfully-sober.livejournal.com/ Hahaha.

Anyway, yeah, I'm not a pro at love. I can never understand it wholly myself. All I know is what I speak through experience - My own and others.... Heartbreaks are inevitable. Sometimes you wonder why it is that even after someone has broken your heart, you still yearn for them. It's the familiarity you miss because somewhere in the back of your head, you wished things could've been different. Well, unfortunately for us, we can't change the past. All we then need to do is learn to let go..... the past is long gone, sometimes we harp on it so much so that we ignore what we actually have on hand..... and the hard part is that we can't help it....

Matters of the heart are complicated. You can want someone, yet not want him. You can be with someone, yet not be with him cos your heart is not there. You can see the reality, yet you don't see it..... because you're blinded.

If it's anything I've learnt, I learn that who you're with may not be your ideal but its ok because nothing is perfect. He may not be able to feel that passion you used to but as long as he feels like home, you know you're loved and you're safe...

You can't have things your way. You can only plan. The rest is entirely up to god and fate. My future lies in HIS hands. I've given up insisting that my life be THIS way....

I'm sorry if I am being difficult at times.... its not easy...

noreply@blogger.com (Lin) — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 10:26:00 +0000

I can't do this ANYMORE.

Im serious.

Love is nothing really. But an endless sea of emotions...