Nothing is what it seems.

[Singing to: What Goes Around Comes Around - Justin Timberlake]

Feeling: Bloated and icky....

You spend your nights alone

And he never comes home

And every time you call him

All you get's a busy tone

I heard you found out

That he's doing to you

What you did to me

Ain't that the way it goes

You cheated girl

My heart bleeds girl

So it goes without saying that you left me feeling hurt

Just a classic case

A scenario

Tale as old as time

Girl you got what you deserved

And now you want somebody

To cure the lonely nights

You wish you had somebody

That could come and make it right

- What goes around lyrics - Justin Timberlake

Doesn't this song sound like its meant for Britney. I'm telling you, he still isn't over her.... In an interview he said that this song is for his best friend.... Right.....

apparently it's his fav song cos he wrote it......hmmmm.... Britney and Kevin Federline, well, go figure.... I'm not gonna waste my entry on this but seriously, what are the odds but I love this song... for now.

Mister... help me buy The Sims Party Pack please.... I wanna play.

Few more days... and counting to Fawa's bday...

I miss my Miss Lydia. wonder what she's up to.

I miss My Amirah....

It's Saturday and Haqmal and me had breakfast at McDonalds with Zamir. Dad talked about marriage and engagement. He's taking it well. I'm the one with cold feet. Anyway, Haqmal loved the toy Zamir gave him.... Mister, you spoil him rotten.

Reminisce......

when you're 17 you wanna be 21. and when you're 26, u don't know what hit you. Time, like an invisible tidal wave just swept through and before you know it, you're 4 years heading towards the big three zero. And trust me, 4 years will pass like a song...

i read a few blogs today. not that i'm free but it was lunch time and I didn't feel like joining em' up there so I sat at my desk, munching my favourite ban mian, browsing through blogs. and what do you know... a lover's spat.. love triangle... brings me back to when I was a teenager. I mean, not that scandalous lah... but being where I am now and seeing things from way out here, I know these love smitten girls will get over it one day and think, "I can't believe I was pining for a boy who has no life".

How would I know? I've been there and died.

Just when you think its love... its at the most some sort of sick obsession and huge infatuation.

I'm glad THAT phase is over.


I've never had a guy tell me, that its ok for him to get hurt as long as I'm not disappointed...

I've never had a guy tell me, he'll look after me all my life and make my life as comfortable as he possibly can....

I've never had a guy who tries so hard to make me happy....

He says, "without you, my life has no aim. My aim is to make you happy."


Awwww... you better mean it mister or I'll blow your brains out.

Picnic....

[Listening to: Walk Away - Kelly Clarkson]

Feeling: Bleah! I think I ate too much....

I ate 2 slices of pizza and 3 pieces of garlic bread and I think I ate too much.... The feeling of being bloated just doesn't go away and to think the docter wants me to eat regularly like 2 meals a day. Crazy. Yeah yeah the docter's looking out for me but my body is so stubborn, when I eat one full meal, it just doesn't wanna eat anything else. Sheesh. I'm craving for pineapple tarts. Maybe its Chinese New Year thats why.

Watching Singapore vs Thailand at the Kallang Stadium....

Any place with Fai is always fantastic. Even when there's nothing to entertain us, we sorta entertain ourself. Thanks Fai for that fantastic evening!

So we talked and I can understand where she's coming from. I mean how do you choose between stability / security and fun / happiness. Tough. I'd want both but I've come to realise that I'd rather stick to the safe and secure. I mean, being older and wiser (i'd like to think I am) I make decisions based on experience. I'm sure unpredictable / exciting men, are the kind that sweep you off your feet... But the ones that are stable are the ones to keep. That is my personal opinion. I've had enough of men who are just fun to be with....

Me, sitting pretty.. hahaha

I just realised I don't have a picture of Fai and me together. Eh, Fai, I'm sure you have it! Give me!!!!!

Whats Fai up to? Oh no.... she's uncontrollable... ok lah, fine she gets it from me...

Please forgive me....

Listening to: Please forgive me - Bryan Adams

Feeling: Sick...

To really love a woman
To understand her - you gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought - see every dream
N' give her wings - when she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms
Ya know ya really love a woman
When you love a woman you tell her
that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
Cuz she needs somebody to tell her
that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really - really really ever loved a woman?
To really love a woman
Let her hold you - til ya know how she needs to be touched
You've gotta breathe her - really taste her
Til you can feel her in your blood
N' when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
Ya know ya really love a woman
- To really love a woman lyrics, Bryan Adams


It sucks being sick. Acute gastritis is NO joke... apparently not eating is not the problem. So people please don't nag at me and say I don't eat.

Can't wait fo my picnic with Fai and my date with Fawa....Buzz me girls...

We're trying to compromise.... I'm glad there's no such thing as a honeymoon period... I'd rather go through the motions first.... and reap the rewards later. So yeah, I'm a fan of work hard like mad crazy now and enjoy later. phew!

Looong weekend coming up, enjoy the hols my lovelies....

I'm still hold on and you're still the one

The first time our eyes met it's the same feelin' I get

Only feels much stronger and I wanna love ya longer

You still turn the fire on

Please forgive me I know not what I do

Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you

Don't deny me

This pain I'm going through

Please forgive me If I need ya like I do

Please believe me

Every word I say is true

Please forgive me I can't stop loving you

Mr Kidnapper please forgive me for all the horrible things I said. I never meant them. My being sick has gotten to my brain....

Valentines....

Listening to: Drive to You - Jewel

Feeling: Nauseous... I think I ate too much...

It's tough when two people with two outrageously different personalities get together. If its anything I've learnt, its patience, tolerance and knowing that no matter what happens, we'll work things out.

On another note...I miss my babes....Farah, Lidiya, Fai and gang.... Idah...my school mates... Anum, if you're reading this, lets hang out sometime lar....

Also, I miss my boyfriend who never fails to irritate me... Eh, I'm not complaining ok. When he doesn't irritate me, I'll feel like something is missing.

So what are my thoughts about getting engaged? Let's see......an emotion of feelings so overwhelming I can't begin to describe. I'm happy, scared, nervous, ecstatic.... all at the same time. And we're not even talking about getting married here.

Loong talk. He thinks I'm not ready and in my heart of hearts, I honestly don't know. I'd like to think I am But yea...I've been given good advice and we'll see how things go. The great thing about Zamir is that he doesn't flip easily. He lets me have my space and lets me come to terms at my own pace. Silly thing is that, he wants me to want him when the answer is obvious and he can just say, "i want you" and in turn I'll say, "I want you too".

It's Valentine's Day and though I don't celebrate, I cannot help but feeeeel the luuurve...Hahah I got goodie bags from Eye Corp and a client just gave me chocolates......It doesn't help that the office pantry is filled with CNY goodies... cookies, chips, sweets, chocs, biscuits... I've never seen the pantry so full. The freezer alone is filled with vodka and the team has yet to finish its one year supply of beer. The cupboards are filled with wine from the events that we host.... anyone who steps in the office might think the team is a bunch of alcoholics... I'm glad I don't drink.

So yeah, Valentine's day is cliche and its just a day when flowers are 5x more expensive... Best is if you'll celebrate them a day before or after.. hahaha.

So I'm not gonna wish you a Happy Valentine's day because I'm sure you all know that I love you whether or not its a special day!

Cheers....

So I drive to you tonight

I was blind, now I have sight.

I could not leave you even if I tried.

You're heart beats inside of me.

Like a star in the dark of night,

Like birds lost in flight.

The clouds in the sky are blue

I belong with you.

aaaaaaaaaaaaa

Why do All Good things come to an end.....

Feeling: ANGRY

Muz is a moron. He said I promised to give him my number. When the hell was that? Besides, that arsehole is a, brainless, dim witted moron. An imbecile with a brain a size of a pea. He fucking irritates me and to think I would want to give him my number. Mad cow. And why would I be promising people my number? Makes no sense. When I didn't give it to him, he went berzerk and threatened me saying, 'Fine you make life difficult for me, I stay near you, I will make life difficult for you.' How fucking stupid is this? How is NOT having my number making life fucking difficult for this fucker..... excuse my French I'm just so peeved. So what if he's stubborn? He hasn't met the queen of stubborn-ness yet. All I wanna do now is kick him the balls.... and I won't be suprised if he doesn't have any. Fucking retard.

Yeah, I'm crude when I wanna be. If he thinks he can scare me with that shit, I say, Bring it on!

anyway, what is 'interview' in malay? we were all asking around until someone said interview when translated means, "tengok muka cakap". Very funny.

Random... things to buy, an ipod video, a dvd recorder, a new phone, a few tops and pants.... books

I need to go to the gym.

and I want a pet snake. or a pet baby leopard

Why do all good things come to an end.... seriously.....

Isolation....

Listening to: Try - Nelly Furtado

Feeling: Touchy and petulant!


"Try" - Nelly Furtado

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn, the more I learn
The more I cry, the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me
All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby

i have this sudden urge to want to be alone. Its just one of those days when I wish I could turn off my hp and not have a single electronic stuff on me.... I don't need constant communication. I wanna be isolated for a day.... yeah like I can't read your mind! throw me in an isolation unit you say? Are you even paying attention? I wanna be alone, not locked up in some dark place. I want to go through the day without talking to anyone. U read me right. Not anyone. I wanna sit and draw and listen to music.

I wish I could do yoga by the beach at 5am in the morning. I'm a morning person and I love mornings. Wish I had a beach house. The one in Malacca is too far away and its dangerous there anyway.

Was talking to Zayed and Hafiz on the way to work this morning and they sang the same tune, "Lin, you're old, when you're getting married?". Seriously people, is that the only thing in your mind? I have other things to worry about. I don't see marriage anytime soon. Of course I wanna settle down but not anytime soon. I haven't fulfilled so many things yet. I'm giving myself 5 years. If I'm not married by then. Heck. I'm not getting married whenever. Then I'll just adopt loads of cats and keep them as children. Hahah. catwoman. Miow.... Haha gila.

I seriously don't feel like eating. Not today anyway. I forced a pau down my throat and I feel like puking. It's just one of those days...

Singing to: Smile - Damien Rice

Feeling: Nothing

its nice to meet someone once in a while with whom u can have intelligent conversations with. its refreshing. met nazid's gf whom i can totally associate to. zamir did say we would get along but I didn't know that we'll hit it off the second we met. i may seem a little standoff-ish and oblivious - but thats because i put people at a distance, an arms length to be exact..... i don't like getting too close because i find it hard to trust people. its funny how when ppl say that if you're too trusting, you're easily manipulated and when u can't trust, you're an ice queen.

anyway, mr. i-am-noti bought me cinnamon buns from provence in holland village. and i never expected it. he came by to fetch me from work and handed me a plastic bag which I absolutely recognise because the bakery 'provence' has only one shop in Singapore and their cinnamon buns are to die for! I was sooo happy cos its been almost 6 months since I last ate em.... no wonder he was asking so many questions on those buns which I love and considering he went over to Holland V, walked around, gambled on the bun I wanted and got the right one!

Reminds me of the time I was at Palmer house for my Exotic dance class and Zamir wanted to fetch me. He didn't have to ask me where it was, he just kept asking security guards of buildings nearby and he found the place. If its anything I'd want to say about my boyfriend is that he is street smart and I depend on him alot... It's nice to be in the back seat once in a while. Be chaffeured instead of drive.

I've never met anyone who was so keen on making my life comfortable. I'm glad I found you.

Piss Off

I am in no mood for untolerable behaviour.

The world is an insane place as it is already so stop whining.

And why do I still hear you buzzing in my ears.

Sunken eyes and Lollipops

Feeling: Moody....

Listening to: Iris - Goo Goo Dolls


if its anything I realised is that I am old. Not old very old but just old. if i dun sleep enough, i'll get sunken eyes. look at me... dark rings, sunken eyes. I wish I was 18. whatever I do, even if I don't sleep the whole night, my eyes don't show any signs of sleepless-NESS... those were the days. gosh. I can't believe I'll be 26 this year. 4 more years to the big 30. Darn. And I still feel 18. Lollipops still excites me... if docters ever do cut up my body, this is what I think they'll say, Woman, age 26, heart, 16, brain 16... have we got the right woman here?

hahaha. Ok im bonkers.

Gimme a break lar. I want to go FAR away from here and sit back and sleep. Thats all I wanna do really. When you're younger, you wish you could stay up late and watch a midnight movie but now you can and your body won't let you. Ugh. Because all you want to do is SLEEP. I need to sleep. 5 freaking hours a day doesn't help. I need my 8 hours. And it doesn't help that my body clock wakes me up at like 8am on a Saturday morning. And once I wake up, its impossible to go back to sleep because I'll be thinking of the things I can do i.e: watch TV, do yoga, go gym, order breakfast, watch dvds, play with Haqmal, go out shopping.

I'm glad he's good with kids cos I'm not. There has to be a balance somewhere.

He loves kids to bits. All kids.... I only love my baby brother. I think children are cute when they're quiet and well behaved, preferably when they're sleeping. HE thinks they're cute even when they're throwing tantrums. Urgh.

I feel like a lollipop now. Think I'll go buy one.