Soccer fever....

[Feeling: Sleepy. zZZZzzzzz]

Listening to: Forgotten- Avril Lavigne

Check out my Esprit sweater. I blew $80 bucks on it. It's so cool. Its got a hood and the inner material is satin. Whee! I love it.

Bonkers... Bonk bonk bonkers...

Debs, summed it up. http://pitchmarketing.blogspot.com/

I thought I wouldn't enjoy myself on Saturday but funny thing is I did. Of course I didn't want to admit it to my boyfriend for he'll make me watch Man U's matches on TV. Dear, if you're reading this, I'd rather watch soccer live. So if you want me to watch a Man U game with you at 1am in the morning, fly me to England.

So yeah, I'll be watching Singapore vs Thailand tonight. I've stocked chips and food in my bag in case I get hungry. It's gonna be a looong night... The Malaysia vs Singapore game ended soooo late because of extra time and the penalty shootouts, this might happen again. Waaah all this jargon... blame it on Zamir. Funny thing is I don't even know what title / cup they're competing for?Hahaha. I'll find out.

I miss Fai, Fawa, Lidiya, Ima & the girls.... Su. So busy at work and with Mum's business.

I need sleep. So many sleepless nights tossing and turning in bed. I dunno whats bothering me.

Check this out! Marketing Magazine @ Borders - next to Newsweek and the other business mags. Cool. I'm so proud of our mag.

Ur all I need....

Feeling: Full....

Listening to: Trigger Hippie - Morcheeba

its been way too long....

was stressed the whole week about the meeting i had this morning... turns out, boss has got my back afterall. I couldn't ask for a better boss. ones in Hong Kong and the other will move to Canada. Will miss em both.

My crazy bosses

anyway, weekend was jam packed. sat morning - docs appt, afternoon - i helped makeup a colleague at Hyatt in their posh room and what turned out to be just helpin ended up her paying me.

after which I watched soccer with my love at the National Stadium. Yes, yes, since when have I become a football junkie? I haven't ok. Seriously. I understand the game now but watching it live is different. It's like being dragged to watch Singapore idol and then shouting my heart out because everyone else was shouting. Best! Like letting out steam!

So yeah. On Sunday was Yanni's daughter's b'day. Loved the ice cream cake. Loved the food. Ate till I felt like puking. I shan't elaborate. U get the idea.

Talked........ I tried to figure out the matter with me and I've come to a conclusion. I'm just inconsistent. I don't have a favourite food or colour. There isn't any fixed rules and criteria on what I like and what I don't.

Remember back in school where you have an autograph book where people ask you to fill up your details, i.e: fav food, fav colour... I realise that the different autograph books have different information. It's like this: I can like sushi today but detest it tomorrow.

So I may be sure of how I feel today but tomorrow I can be darn confused. So sometimes with me, you have to take what I say then and there for it might not apply tomorrow. He doesn't understand why I'm so unpredictable. Thats because while he's like a tree, his roots deep rooted to the ground, I'm like the wind, I go wherever life takes me or whenever I feel like it. So maybe I need a tree. I mean, I do need someone who is stable and constant and hopefully that will balance my insanity.

Being in a relationship with me is like being on a rollercoaster. I know I'm not easy to handle but I try to be reasonable.

So Mr.... you may not be all that I want, but you're exactly what I need

Who's my Type?!

[Feeling: Sick sick sick sick sick sick....]

we had this talk about me saying something about him not being fun. Not true. I think things got kinda heated up and we misconstrued each others intentions as we minced words.... He is fun... Not bad boy fun but just lovely fun. If it was up to my unreliable emotions, I wouldn't have thought twice about falling for someone 'dangerous'. Someone i know might break my heart. But I listened to my head and my heart and I hope I made the right choice.

So we ask ourselves, why is it that we are attracted to 'bad' boys. Because some insane part of our brain or at least my brain loves a challenge and its like a fairytale story if we can change someone for the better. I mean c'mon, you've watched the movies, and I'm such a sucker for the ladies man, the bad boy turn good because of a girl. Sigh! I've come to learn that these things happen ONLY in movies whilst in reality, its never that simple.

Had this chat with Yani about the diamond in the rough.... U know, you gotta polish it and make it shine. I've had enough of those. I'd rather just pick them diamonds off the showcase. Ok fine, so its a weird analogy comparing men with diamonds. But if women can be gems, I'm sure I'm making sense here.

And yes, we were arguing one night and he bluntly asked me, "Can you actually speak Malay?" What?!!!! I SO can.

Just that its jumbled and may not make sense. Let's face it, my first language is English. yeah embarassing I know... for I'm Malay... Its not something I'm proud of either....

Ask Dad.... I'm an experiment gone wrong. When growing up, dad decided that I should speak good English, and what do you know, my first books were in English, I had to write a composition everyday which means 365 essays a year.... in English. So Mister, don't blame me if I dunno the difference between kelabu and labu or mix up celak and celik or say 'cakap' instead of 'beritahu'. And I still don't know what triangle in Malay is. Teach me ok. I'll learn.

So check this out... its just some silly test I did.


Who's Your Type?

Your type is the Casanova

You're on the market for a sweet-talking, smooth-moving, good-looking Casanova. This stud knows exactly what to do and say in any situation. He's quite the charmer. Put him in a room, and everyone flocks to him. He's quick-witted, incredibly stylish, and runs with the right crowd. Does this guy ever have to wait in line? No way. Does he look like he just stepped ou tof GQ magazine? Always. This super-suave guy is not only fun to be around, but he's part of the coolest scene. Whether it's a top-notch restaurant orthe hottest new club, your man is there. He's a real ladies man. When you're around him, you feel like you're the center of the universe. This hip, hot guy has got the slick moves and smart lines that keep you coming back for more!


Ugh. Not True. It further reinstates the point that I always choose wrong men... Well, I can be sure that HE is the total opposite because as someone has so kindly put it, "Zamir's not the normal guy you'd go for." All the better.... I say stay away from heart breakers like the plague now.

STRESS

Am not looking foward to Monday. heaps of stress, heaps of mess, heaps of trouble...

Ugh. Why can't life be simpler? More straightfoward maybe. So many insinuations, so many complications....

Troublesome.

Monday will so SUCK. Big time. Am having a hard time already at work. stoopid clients.

Here's what I gather....

They say with more money comes more responsibilities:

MORE $$ = MORE WORK + WORK + WORK WORK WORK DAMN HARD + STRESS + HEADACHES + EXTRA STRESS + EXTRA HEADACHES

And what do they amount to? Nothin really. Just more money and a sense of achievement that you did something - like in my case, smash my targets and bringing in more than forecasted.

In the end, the achievement although mine, isn't really mine at all. Is it really worth it?

Invalidate my existence.

[Listening to: Tangled - Maroon 5]

Feeling: Sucky.

There is nothing left to say to you
That you wanna hear
That you wanna know
I think I should go

And I’ve done you so wrong
Treated you bad
Strung you along
Oh shame on myself

I don’t know how I got so tangled up

- Tangled, Maroon 5


So I suck at gibly communicating my feelings. They get so wrong the minute I open my mouth and I realise that its not what I meant to potray anyway. Meaning is often lost in words. And truth is sadly masked behind the myriad of emotions. Impatient, jumpy, defensive, argumentative and imperious when PROVOKED.

yeah, I'm all these whenever someone points the 'BLAMING' gun at me. Who wouldn't be? If I wasn't, I might as well just take the gun and blow my brains out. I hate the blaming game. In arguments, its never about winning, its about being heard and understood. Period.

I'm no good at confrontation. Confrontations are never fair. There will always be someone more domineering and more overbearing. When confronted with a friend or someone I care about, I don't want to be any of those. I wish things could be debated in a more impartial manner. But anything that is impartial needs a neutral party. In conversations when there is only 2 person, where's that neutral party gonna be?

All is fair in love and war.

Such irony.

Nobody loves a green eyed monster....

Listening to: Like a stone - AudioSlave

Feeling: Swarmed

Happy 6 months my love. It was yesterday but I wasn't in the Moooood. Not that I don't care but I do. Enough said.

If I could somehow silence that voice in my head. Ugh, why do you have to constantly bug me. Leeeave me the hell alone.

This isn't working for me.

Yes Mister. I'm a freakazoid. Are you scared of me now?

Why do I suddenly crave for an Ice Mocha from Coffee Bean. And I know coffee gives me a headache.

Verbal Diarrhea

[Listening to: Every Word - Sade]

Feeling: Peeved for absolutely no bloody reason. And its not PMS.

So here it is. My phone is fucked. Dead. Kaput.

Ok not that I can't turn it on, but I can't get it to read my sim card. tried it on other phones but my sim card works fine. So its obviously the phone. darn. Well at most, I get a bit of peace and quiet.

It nice to know I can't be found for once. So yes, in my absence don't miss me yet. There are other ways of contacting me though. Like erm, email.... well its better than nothing. Guess I won't have a phone for a week. Hear that? The silence.... of a phone not ringing for once. You already know by now that I'm crazy, so whats new?

Meanings lost in translation. Thoughts lost in emotions.

We can never wholly convey the state of our feelings. And I say again, feelings were never meant to be said, only felt. So maybe for once we should just shut up and breathe.

I can't explain the way I feel. I just feel.

So would I leave you for my past? No. Not ever. And if I could somehow cut myself open and show you my true feelings, I would. But I guess we'll just have to make do with my promises.

So why do I do the things I do? Because I'm a screwed up, messed up, perplexed and willful bi**ch

Yes I am experiencing a mild case of verbal diarrhea. Spitting out words and so random at that. To ask me to apologise now, would be like asking me to vomit blood. Spare me the mambo jumbo talk of honesty and goodness. I'm in no mood for anything sane and nice today. Let me bask in my crazy and nasty attitude for once.

Maybe I swear too much. Thats because this head and this heart do not go hand in hand.

It's like tying a dogs tail to that of a cat. not a brilliant idea as of this moment.

Patience is a Virtue. NOT

Listening to: Goodbye - Save Ferris

Feeling: Out of this world....

Whoever said that patience is a virtue ought to be hung upside down and beaten with the back of a giant spatula. I am NOT a patient person. Not not not and I don't think I can be. Well things aside, I am patient with matters of the heart but when it comes to getting things my way and wanting things, I want it now, that is, if I can help it. If not, no fret.

I mean come on, when someone walks darn slowly infront of you, you would want to overtake him right? well guess what? there was this chick in 10 inch heels (ok fine i'm exagerrating) walking as slow as a snail and considering how the CBD area is packed in the morn and everyone is rushing to work, she had to stroll along and take her own sweet time blocking 3 ppl in her path. FYI, well she isn't that big, she walks in zig zag. And what do you know she looks like someone on stilts. So when several ppl overtook her, me included, she just had to open her god damn mouth and say, "So impatient". Bloody hell. I turned and I said, "thats cos you're darn slow. Next time wear comfortable shoes, you look like you're in pain." I didn't know what came over me. Its was like a stroke of anger just hit me. She stared at me with staggering eyes. Like I care.

Moron.

So yes, I may seem like someone you can pushover but given a situation, any situation, I push back. Hard.

And so on the bright side, we hit level 2. Profit share. Syukur alhamdulillah.

Whee! Fawa lets go shopping *zamir you didn't just hear that........Yanni, I owe you famous amos cookies and Fai and gang, lets go makan. Hahaha.

Zamir my dear, I'll buy you that $2 brick game you wanted..... say please.....pretty please.

I'm in no Mood for Mind Games....

[Listening to: Sweet Sacrifice - Evanescence]

Feeling: Out of reach....

My hair is a dark shade of chocolate now. I kinda like that dark mysterious look.

"Dark eyes, dark hair, how can you go wrong" - Boss on my hair

i'm glad im out of that shithole. it just gets to me sometimes, the wrong decisions I make, the things I do in the past - things I felt are insanely stupid now. Back then, it seemed oblivious to me. Oh for the life of me.... Still, do I want another chance at my past? No. Do I want to redo all that I have done? Not in a million years.

I am who I am because of who I was. Given an ideal situation all my choices would be perfect, no flaws, no mistakes, immaculate, precise and unsoiled. Now tell me, who is that perfect? I want to blow his brains out.

He says, she says.... There is no end to our diversity.... Such is the beauty of the human soul. Beauty in something that is flawed. Great.

All this mambo jumbo is giving me a headache. Can I sleep now? Please. Like plonk my head on the keyboard and have some shut eye without the chattering.... Oh shut up already, you're always talking, gimme a break. My brain has a mind of its own. If it had legs, it would walk right out of my head.

Yes I know, Im crazy. Must be the weather.

I need time to recuperate.



And will you sit by me as I watch the world go by?
And he says, I'll watch you watch the world go by....I'll watch you....

For What its worth....

Feeling: Sick

Listening to: Bye Bye Boyfriend - Fefe Dobson

I'm not myself these days. dunno what has come over me... sigh....maybe its being sick. ugh hate medicine, hate being sick.

Lately, I've been really picky when it comes to food. Normally, I'd eat anything and am not fussy. these few days have been terrible. I want chicken rice without the chicken. And sometimes chicken rice without the rice. Or just the toppings or the fillings of donuts. maybe its due to my lack of appetite.

Like yesterday, I ate a slice of Zamir's chicken, half a hotdog, a fishcake and at night I had yong tahu and insisted on having only 5 pieces instead of 7...... I didn't know what else to choose!

My daily meal now consists of Milo for breakfast, bits of food here and there during lunch and zilch for dinner. I AM A FOOD PERSON... whats wrong with me. The feeling of not wanting to eat is scary. All I want to do is hide under my covers and sleep. Macam babi. Sleep sleep sleep. Yeah, even my writing doesn't sound like me. Haha, I told you theres something wrong with me.

and apparently, you can argue until you have a headache. Oh believe me its possible.........

I did a stress quiz and by god! My stress level is high.... weird

Stress Quiz Results
Your Score: 72
You are seriously vulnerable to stress.

Key Score

Stress Level
0-30
You are somewhat vulnerable to stress.
31-49
You are vulnerable to stress.
50-74
You are seriously vulnerable to stress.
76-100
You are extremely vulnerable to stress.

Provided by John Thurman M.Div. M.A. http://www.johnthurman.net

Thank you for completing Stress Coping Skills

Your Score is 121 out of 150

This score indicates a high likelihood that you have significant anxiety and stress in your life and that your coping skills are less than optimal. You may well know that you are “stressed,” in fact you may often talk about it openly. The problem is not in the recognition of the stress, but in the ways in which you are coping with it. You may be not relying on or over-relying on your support systems such as friends and family. You may handle your stress by engaging in nonproductive or destructive activities such as overeating, drinking, or not sleeping or exercising. You are likely to have many problems associated with stress, including health or physical problems and relationship difficulties. It would be a very good idea to get assistance in building your stress management skills and not allowing stress to override your life.

Ok great so I need to distress. Wanna go shopping with me? Woo hoo! Another reason to shop! Ok tell me again. Is shopping a non productive or destructive activity the above is talking about. Because I don't think it is.... Shops here I come... Yee Haa.

Insane in the membrane. Insane in the brain *shakes head. Stupid ol' song.

A Box full of sharp objects.....

Feeling: Lost.....

[Listening to: My Everything - Goldfinger]


Its that sudden feeling of being lost or maybe its the PMS kicking in.

Ugggggh. It irks me cos it just took me 10 freaking minutes to log into my blog account. All I want to do is scream into a paper bag. don't ask.

it doesn't help that i'm not in the mood for annoying happenings or mishaps - like knocking into my toilet door for example. can you imagine how angry i was for being so clumsy. its like i feel pain, anger, felt clumsy, stupid and peeved all at the same time. now how's that possible? ask PMS.

whoever said ONLY women experienced this is a LIAR. Apparently men experience the same thing, but its obviously not due to their hormones kicking in. So I believe.... and trust me its just speculation, that men sometimes have their head screwed on wrongly - like some wrong electrical wiring up there *points to the brain.....OR *looks down... ok lets not go there.

Now tell me... Which idiot pees in the lift? It so bloody irks me. I was in the lift earlier and there was this pool of pee. What a moron! Inconsiderate arsehole.

So of course the whole lift stinks. And it so happened that its was Saturday morning and everyone seemed to be taking the lift. So there I was in the lift squeezed with 5 people, my nose covered trying not to stare at the pee for I might puke while the others scrunch their noses in disgust.

I wish there was an alarm or something to catch people who pees in the lift. It's like the lift will jam or something when somebody pees. I want to see the faces of these imbeciles when the police catch them. Imagine the excuses, " Oh! I thought this is a toilet".... riiiight...... a toilet that moves...

I hope the dimwit who pee-ed will suffer from constipation only to find a large rock stuck in his anus when he wakes up tomorrow. Why are some people such animals?

I'm in a foul mood I know. Try pissing me off.


She
Wants to fall in love again
Don't you know that he
He's
Satisfied to own her

You know he couldn't see
That she could be his everything

- Broken Like an Angel, Crossfade

I Never Promised there'll be sunshine everyday....

[Listening to: Halo - Hayley James Scott (One Tree Hill)

Feeling: Lazy.

I bought new curtains and rods for my bedroom window at Ikea. It's translucent royal purple. Think the material is silk organza and I so like it. So there will be two layers of curtains. One in dark brown and the other in purple organza. I'm gonna have to fix it up this Saturday.... can't wait. I'm changing the chandelier in my room to but I want a black one which mum thinks look rather gothic. erm. well not to me it isn't. Yes yes... i am controlling my spending now. A friend just pointed out that when I go shopping, I must buy something. According to her, I'm addicted to the smell of new clothes and shoes.... haha very funny. NOT.

My hair is growing out and I'm contemplating cutting it short again.... But then, I wouldn't be able to tie it... Hmmm.... Ah whatever lah.

I've been really clumsy these past few days... Knocking into things and getting bruises. HE seems to thinks I'm being bullied. Hahah. No. I'd like to think that I'd be the bully.

Words are not oozing out of my brain like it used to. Maybe its this blog or maybe its just my attitude. Whatever.

I'm getting my car licence this year. No matter what. By hook or by crook. (Hahah like hows that possible)

Anyway, I feel bimbotic today. Maybe its the outfit or maybe its the sudden realisation that I just said something stupid earlier about penguins. Seriously, aren't penguin birds? I kinda insisted that they are because they look like birds to me and argueably, they can't fly... so? if they look like birds then they must be birds.

2007!

[Listening to: For you I will - Teddy Geiger]

Feeling: Ugh.

Back to work lazybones...

I can't believe I'm back in the office after 1 and a half weeks of sleeping in - hiding under my covers, waking up late, really late and pigging out the whole day. I miss watching DVDs the whole day and going out as and when I please.

I miss shopping and buying new clothes. I made a new resolution this year. Actually, Zamir made me do it but i'm sure i could use a little push. My new year resolution is...........* drumrolls..... to stop spending so much and save more. Ta da* give me a pat on the back will ya?

So many things have happened in these few days I can't seem to pen them down. Plus I'm a bit lazy and lethargic. I wanna go JB. This Sunday? Anyone. Actually Zamir's there just to buy VCDs / DVDs but I wanna shop! Opps. I take that back. I take it back lar ok. :( I'll just go down to eat ok. I want murtabak with lots and lots of tomato ketchup please....

I should stop spending and buy only whats necessary. (Right..... keep telling myself that)

Oh?! But everything seems necessary to me. Mister, I need you..... tell me again the difference between a want and a need again? Because when I shop, I need EVERYTHING.

Ugh. Self restraint. Discpline.

Dear god please help me.